I’m A Bad Fat Person

The internet is a wonderful place. It’s a place for exploring, learning how many people live their different lives everyday. And best of all, you don’t have to leave your home. It opens everyone’s minds and opinions on everything, and body issues and learning about different body types is one that’s affecting me the most.

Ever since I was little, I’ve been the “fat” one, I’ve always been struggling with my weight and issues and how people perceive me. But with the internet, there is exploration and one of my main resources are blogs and vlogs (YouTube), and although it is amazing and deep down I know that people are brave enough (because I know I would never show my ugly face on the internet lol) to show their lives and their flaws for all the world to know, I can’t help but judge them. Most of those judgement make me feel like a bad fat person and a bad person in general.

Some instances are when I watch and read plus size community members speak out about the lack of clothing available for big sizes, sometimes I lack empathy and tell myself, “Well if you watched what you ate…” “How can you complain at companies for a problem you caused?” or the often “They don’t make those clothes in your size because they won’t look good on you.”

I have recently explored my reason on why I am so rude to others ( Let me make one thing clear, I never leave comments or any discouraging things on people’s content for this upcoming reason) and I had an epiphany. I am not so nice to others because I see myself when I watch them live and broadcast their lives. I at some point have struggled with my weight (let’s be real, I still am), struggled to find cute things to wear (stuff that won’t make me look like a 60 year old grandma) and I have definitely struggled at some point with the concept of loving myself and being hard on myself for eating this, or doing that.

But just as the internet has been a source for negativity, it has been a source of learning and acceptance. I have learned that making snap judgments about people and how they live their lives are not going to get me anywhere. That we nch love as need to spread as much love as we can to help one another out. If we are encouraging ourselves, then we are more than likely bringing each other down, and that’s something I want no part of.

Being a better at accepting myself will change me from the inside out which can only benefit me in the long run.

What are some things/habits that you’re trying to change?

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