This is How a Heart Breaks – Do I still Love you?

It’s been some time since I’ve written about this subject. Some time has passed since my heartbreak and heartache happened. I know I’ve written about coping mechanisms and how to deal with the pain, because sometimes the heartbreak and feelings that happen after a breakup feel can sometimes feel like a death has happened, and in some ways a death has happened…the death of a dream and hope with someone. It could be the biggest disappointment in some people’s lives.

About 3 months have gone by and at this point, it feels like a lifetime. A lot seems to have changed. I don’t get upset when I see him.I don’t have the time of day for him. I don’t want to check up on him or want to know what he’s doing. What he’s doing without me, with her. I no longer obsess over what I think I did wrong or why I wasn’t good enough for him. I am better, I am no longer hurting.

But after the hurting has ended and the clouds seem to disappear, my thoughts go from “What’s happening?” to “What’s next?” That is not to say that I am completely purged of him. Sometimes I think that I am completely over him but then there are times when I still have some lingering thoughts that say otherwise. I still think about his smile, his laugh, the way he made me feel…it’s all there, the love is still there.

Looking back at my journey, I can honestly say that I would not get back together with him if the opportunity came up. I am someone’s #1 choice, I will be. When it comes to the terms of love, one should never settle for second best. We all deserve to be #1. So sure, there’s love and who knows, I might always love him, but I found a deeper love and respect for the person that matters the most…me.

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