This Is How a Heart Breaks: Not So Fast

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Okay, so you know how last week I declared myself free from the heartbreak…well, not so fast. For a couple of moments I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I thought I had completely figured myself out: I wasn’t going to feel anything real for a phantom love. After all, I know in my head that someone like him doesn’t deserve my attention, love or thoughts. But that the thing when you’re heartbroken, you’re thinking with your heart and not your head.

Heart why do you suck so much? My head tells me one thing while my heart tells me something else, and almost always, my heart wins the battle. My head tells me that he’s moved on, (and let’s be real, he probably did before he left me), and that I should too. But my heart can’t help but crack every time I see them together. Why wasn’t I good enough for love and why don’t I deserve to be happy?

My head tells me that loving someone like him will never make me happy and that I should stop focusing on what I’m not and why he left me and focus on what makes me special and unique. To be honest, he wasn’t the best person ever, he wasn’t unique or compatible with me…shit, there’s a million other men that are better ( and better looking). But every time I try to move on, my heart says, “Not so fast!”

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