Hello, long time no talk. It’s been a while since I’ve sat down and written something and I think now would be the time to let some emotions out. It’s raining today and the gloomy weather fits my mood today
This past month has been amazing, so many things have gone down that make me feel so happy inside. But unfortunately there are those days when you can’t get out of bed and do anything. Today is one of those days.
I think I’m going to talk about the things that are frustrating me, just so I can end this post on a lighter note.
There are so many things going on in my life, and it’s getting to me. I am in my last semester of college and all the classes and assignments are piling up on me. Although generally I am doing very well in all my classes, sometimes I hit a bump on the road and get stuck and don’t want to continue. I have so many assignments due and projects due that it’s making my head spin. I like to plan, I use planning as a way to cope with my anxiety. I love decorating and putting stickers and cute stuff on my planner, but sometimes no amount of cat/smiley face stickers can hide the looming due dates. Because this is my last semester of college, all my classes are upper level classes and are extremely difficult. I have papers due left and right, interviews to go on, group projects to complete. It all gets too much. I have a constant headache and the want to just be in bed all day, away from it all. But that’s my depression and anxiety working, those are the voices I should not listen to.
Emotionally, I don’t know if it’s hormonal changes or my depression bleeding into all the aspects of my life, but right now I am not in a good place. I feel like I am stuck, like I can’t move on. I don’t know why I can’t move on. I have constant feelings of not being good enough and just failing as a human being. There are many reasons and evidence to prove otherwise, but I don’t know why I just feel like a big piece of poo. I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I do. I shouldn’t want someone who never deserved me, but I do. For my 25th birthday, I promised myself to work on this. And although change does not happen overnight, I really want to see change. I want to be better, I want to be happy, happy with being me.
On to the positive stuff. IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!
I turned 25 and I had a wonderful birthday, before my bday I had cake with my family and my mom bought me some clothes, I might feature the outfit in a bit. I wore it when I went to an interview – an interview that went very well. I also bought myself a new purse so that is another amazing thing that happened. After weeks and weeks of searching I finally bought one that I love, I’ll make a post about it soon. I wrote two papers, one that I felt extremely bad about but I ended up getting A’s for both the assignments. Amazing 🙂 I started a bowling class and although I am making a fool of myself but I am having fun. I bowled 17 on my first game but then I bowled 35, so I am making some improvements. lol I also bought a cool phone case, one that I had been wanting at a steal! It sells for $35+ but I got it for $13.
Although there are days like today when I don’t think anything is going right and I just want to lay in bed. I need to think of all the amazing things that are happening to me. I should not let these rainy days get to me…there are clear skies ahead.
So if you feel down today, keep your head up high. Your life is awesome. You DESERVE TO BE HAPPY EVERYDAY